The Occasional Compost - "I'll Do my Best To Explain"

I decided to dive right in, skip the salutations this time...just know that I send out a hello to all who may be reading this :)

Initially, at the beginning of my stay here at Sirius Intentional Community, I had internal uncertainties. So used to being the individual in a crowd that emits a calm aura and a peaceful sense, I suddenly found myself amidst people emitting such a strong current of self-awareness and respect that my role was reversed. I found myself feeling frantic and "on the outside". It was very quiet and very different than any feeling I had ever experienced. I think the initial sense was a feeling of loneliness and confusion as to where my place was here. How did I fit in? What was my niche? I always want to give and share, yet I felt like I was in no place to give out my thoughts because I had a feeling that everyone around me was on a higher plane and in a higher place.

Having been here for one week, I want to proclaim loud and clear, I LOVE THIS COMMUNITY! I have learned, other than the incredible amounts of knowledge I'm being exposed to regarding permaculture, natural healing, herbal medicine, ecological design and building, food preparation, community living and beyond, about who I am. It's so difficult to place into words. I often find the process of choosing words to describe experiences very difficult and so I often resort to using superlatives everywhere, but let me do my best this time. Give me a moment...

I am learning to wake up in the morning and enter into the healthy silence that exists naturally all around us. I am learning to love, because that is one of the things a human being can do best. I am learning to listen to and tune into my body and mind in a way that allows me to choose how I want to act, how I want to think. I am learning to take time. Learning that silence among people is beautiful. I am learning to speak my mind while still be open to others and allow others to influence me and help me form better developed opinions and observations. I can't really tell you all that this place has done and will do for me, other than the biggest truth: I will leave this place knowing more about myself, how I want to live and how much potential there is in a human being to do good to him/herself and this world. If it sounds like I'm a dreamer and an optimist , let me fill you in, I am. That's how I was born to be and that's how I can best create, construct, heal and understand. I am not unaware of the suffering in the world. And I hope with all my heart that I do not show any disrespect to those who are suffering. For that is the exact opposite of what I wish to do. I am not trying to go out into the world and be the all-knowing "helper superhero". Rather, I am expanding all that I know, and allowing myself to hear the essences inherent in the world around us. I want to learn, to share, and to discover. As a close friend of mine put it, so many people in the world today suffer in order that we may live luxurious, comfortable and blessed lives. It makes me suffer to know this. And so, in my optimism, rather than thinking that I am blinded and naive, know that I choose to join in the suffering of others and in doing so, wish to work together to move forward. If one of us is in trouble, we're all in trouble. If something in nature is harmed, we're harmed. We are nature.

In every supposed problem, is the solution. Here at Sirius, if there is a problem in the gardens, we don't yell, become upset and frazzled. Rather we sit, understand the logic behind what's happening and why and hence, seek to understand what message the problem is sending i.e. "Are we neglecting this garden patch and therefore, this is why the woodchuck is eating the lettuce?" "Are we neglecting ourselves and therefore, bringing a negative and fruitless energy to the land as we plant?"

I can't stress enough the powerful changes and wonderful energies that I am receiving from this place. But I can say this, that these energies and feelings can be found anywhere if we're willing to be unafraid and true to ourselves. When we open our eyes, there's so much to be seen. Not all of it is easy, some is sweet, and it's all there for a reason.

These are my discoveries and things I am learning that are important to me. I respect all that anyone has to say and I truly hope that my elders in the world don't find my tone in writing to be condescending or arrogant. I do not proclaim. I merely feel and observe. There's so many ways to live life and this is some of what makes me feel healthy and empowered to achieve my full potential.

Thank you for sharing in the Sirius experience with me thus far. And stay tuned if you want to hear about what permaculture actually means, if you want to know about herbs and plants and some of their remarkable properties, if you want to know how to create a house from mud and straw, if you want to know about.......there's a lot in between those dots :)

In peace and love,
Rebekah Gordon